4/29/2023 0 Comments Flappy bat eat a pepsiNow I’d have to go the long way around to the other door to escape. A good sized opening for a bat, but not for me. “Shiiiittt!” I tried to open the pocket door to the kitchen (the closest exit out of there), but the door came off its rail and jammed with only an inch-wide opening. “Ahhh!” I screamed as I squatted on the floor ducking with the broom above me. I took a deep breath and grabbed the broom, trying to brush the creature towards the open door, but instead of going outside, he started flying like a maniacal killer in circles around the room not far above my head. I felt like an idiot for thinking the whole house was full of bats, but I was relieved nonetheless. Again, not helpful.Įventually, I looked under the couch and there was no bat, so I realized there was only one bat and he was back on the curtains where he’d started from. I have two bats!” I ran from the house and called my dad. There in the folds of the brown curtains was a very well-disguised bat. As I opened the last of the doors, the French doors, I moved the drapes to the side and heard a hissing noise. “Open all the doors,” Spero said, “and then get a broom and push him out the door.” I hung up, gathered all the bravery I could muster and started opening the doors. He wasn’t helpful, unless you call reminding me that people have to get lots and lots of shots in their abdomens for rabies helpful. (After leaving the house and shutting the door). So I did what I always do when I’m scared and don’t know what to do. Returning upstairs, I took a peek under the couch. Not surprising, he didn’t offer to help me get the bat out of the house. He’s not the stereotypical feminine gay man either, but still, I’m more of a man than he is. “Oh, of course! Glad I can help by keeping her company!” Mike is not a manly man. I took Izzy down to the basement where my roommate lives and asked him to keep her in his room. I didn’t care, I’m only renting, and hell, I liked the bats.īut, somehow, having one of them under your couch changes that sentiment pretty quickly. The second summer after I moved into my old, Tudor house in the Park Hill neighborhood, I even saw the bats coming from behind the ivy near the peak of the roof. Bats are mysterious and intriguing and the basis of so much lore that a person can even be afraid of them and still love them the way we love graveyards, Halloween, or watching scary movies. I didn’t mind the clicking noises coming from the trees at night knowing those furry, little bats were preventing countless mosquito bites (they can eat up to 1,000 mosquitos an hour), making my night more enjoyable on the patio. I’d enjoy watching them at dusk, swoop out of their sleeping places and dive gracefully after the bugs. Rabies, shots in the abdomen, rabies, ten-thousand visits to the doctor for shots in the abdomen with big needles, rabies… It didn’t help that I had just heard a story on the radio that morning about a man who died from a bat-bite to the foot. Bats are bats-creepy, ugly, and dangerous if they carry rabies. You can’t compare them to a mouse or a bird or a squirrel. Saying I was horrified might be an understatement.īats do not belong in your living space. I looked down at the floor, and there, at the end of the couch was an extended brown-black bat wing sticking out. I thought, “What in the hell was that? ” I bet Izzy thought something very similar. Izzy and I needed no conversation on this one-we were up and off of that couch in one-tenth of a second. Suddenly, we both caught something in our peripheral vision move from the top of the floor-length curtains on the French doors to underneath the couch. One evening last spring, my dog and I were happily lounging on the couch, I, watching TV (recovering from too much tequila the night before), Izzy, dozing like dogs do. Unfortunately, not all bats are that far away from me. Even better is the fact that they can only be found in eastern Africa, which is far, far away from me. Apparently, most bats emit sonar from their mouths, but these hideous creatures echolocate from their noses. The new bat species are a type of horseshoe bat known for their flappy, grooved, wide-open noses called “noseleaves.” They don’t look like noses, though-more like a dog’s ear that’s been sliced a few ways, turned inside out, and glued to the front of the bat where a nose should be. Uglier than a hairless cat, a Naked Mole Rat, or even a Proboscis Monkey with a nose that takes up a third of his face. “Four Freaky New Bat Species Discovered” reads the headline of a recent Fox News article, portraying a large (much too large) photo of the ugliest creature ever seen.
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